Wednesday, December 31, 2008

It's gone.

It turned 2008. And then, like that, it's over.

In 2008, I....

-Moved. Again.
-Started my second year of nursing school.
-Was robbed.
-Was broke.
-Was scared.
-Was brave.
-Made promises.
-Broke promises.
-Kept promises.
-Realized who my real friends are.
-Watched people die.
-Watched people be born.
-Had my 23rd birthday.
-Watched Ava step fearlessly out in the world to start preschool.
-Helped Dean maneuver through the first hard year of being on this Earth.
-Hugged my dog about a million times.
-Visited my grandma.
-Cried because I can't visit more.
-Re-fell in love with my family.
-Re-fell in love with "my kiddos"
-Re-fell in love with my life.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

One for each night, they spread a sweet light, to remind us....

...that anything is awesome if fire is involved.

So we did the first night of Hanukkah the other night because Ava is learning about other cultures. Well, we did a lot of things actually. We ate dinner, read the Hanukkah story, made chocolate chip cookies, make cookies for the dogs, put a Christmas record on the record player and took a bath while listening and played dreidel in the tub. I'll be darned if this kid isn't multi-cultured.

This year she could light the candles all by herself, so she was very proud. I know only one candle should be lit but hey, we figured we'd take her candle lighting skills and run with it and light all 8 for kicks.










And of course, my favorite. The look of sheer terror. Maybe at the thought of a big fat guy in a red suit sneaking into the house at night?

Friday, October 31, 2008

I am definitely in the wrong industry.

Ava: "Okay Aweesha, we're going to play that I'm the mommy and you're the kid and I'm going to tell you I'm going to work and you're going to ask me if you can come. "

Me: "Sounds good, Ava."

Ava: "Okayyy...I'm going to work now, kid..."

Me: "Can I come, mommy?"

Ava: "Sure!"

Me: "What do you do at work mommy?"

Ava: "I go to where the jellybeans are, to look at them and make sure the jellybeans are all okay."

Me: "That's what you do for work?"

Ava: "Yes!"

Me: "You are a jellybean caretaker?"

Ava: "Yes! And you can come. And I put them all in a box and then there is paper and I take the paper off and I am very careful and then I put them back and then I make sure they are okay and then I can eat them. And then we jump! Jump, jump!"

Me: "And that's what you do at work?"

Ava: "That's what I do at work."

Monday, September 29, 2008






The party's over
A record skipping
It's the same song repeating
Grows more grating with each passing second...
And the walls contain a resonation, laughter, and conversation.
It was fun while it lasted, but now we should be going.
I hope everybody had a real good time
The hospitality's partaken, my head is flying, my heart's racing to keep up.


I start realizing
all this living is just dying
and if these are my friends, if this is my home,
if this is how I spend my nights, how I communicate, and demonstrate a love of life.
My eyes roll into the back of my head to sleep, if these are the last words that I ever said
I love my friends.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

My previous post was clairvoyant.

Seriously...creepy. Who would have thought the Hills would *actually* make me vomit? Here I thought I was just being sarcastic. Maybe I should look into this extreme power of words I have.

I'm actually better now...but Thursday I was sicker than gay porn and I thought my insides were coming out. Yet I couldn't throw up. I took several Phenergans and tried to sleep, but kept waking up sweating every half hour or so. Finally after midnight I felt the eruption coming, so I ran to the bathroom. God it was horrible, but such a relief. Kevin comes in, "god Leesh, it sounds like the Exorcist in here...". But seriously, whatever was making me sick came out with those 10 gallons of vomit, because I felt better after. Weird.

Why do weathermen insist on standing out in the middle of a hurricane to report? Do they think we won't really believe them that there is a hurricane? I just saw Geraldo Rivera take a drink and firemen had to rescue him. Seriously...mandatory evacuation means something. Drowning because you were intentionally standing out in the middle of an almost category 3 hurricane just to report the weather doesn't exactly earn you the medal of valor, so get the hell out of there.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Hills makes me vomit.

Seriously. Why watch this show? It's stupid and devoid of any intelligent people. All they do is catfight and sit around staring at eachother with weird open mouthed blank expressions until it cuts to commercial. I don't understand.

And what the hell is wrong with that Spencer guy? He looks like an overgrown Cabbage Patch kid with really bad facial hair. Gross.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Little House on the...602

So I feel strangely connected to Laura Ingalls Wilder from Little House on the Prairie. That we should be living in a house made of logs instead of bricks, and I should be driving a covered wagon instead of a Honda and churning out babies left and right from under my many petticoats.

We moved in here without realizing we have no microwave and haven't gotten around to getting one (although instead of sitting on Blogger typing this I guess I could be driving my ass to Target to get one huh?). We also had no washer or dryer, so we bought some used ones of Craigslist. Bad move...the washer filled up with water and then died, proceeding to leak water all over the laundry room and kitchen an hour before people started getting to our house for the party. I found some tubing in the shed to siphon all the water out, so now our laundry room is an appliance graveyard.

Do you know how many times a day I throw some food on a plate and then realize I have no microwave to put it in? I've been reheating everything on the stove, and this morning made oatmeal in a pot. Then I proceeded to go out back and do all our laundry in a huge basin with soap and water and my hands. Seriously...doing that much laundry by hand and getting it clean took over an hour. Wringing all of it out was worse. Now we have clothes all over the yard strung on my makeshift clothesline.

I'd make such a badass pioneer wife. Only knowing me, I'd probably die of dysentery.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Champagne, grits, and watermelon





I was standing in line at Fry's buying some milk. The woman in front of me had a cart full of Hamburger Helper, cookies, soda, juice, cereal, mac and cheese, and other not so healthy items. She pulled out her Quest card (food stamps debit card) and swiped it in the card machine. I wasn't paying too much attention when the woman behind me shook her head and said "and my tax money is going to trash like that who doesn't even feed her kids properly with free money."

I didn't even know what to say. Her comment floored me, and I was surprised since the area I live in is probably mostly low-income people who need assistance. I rarely see people in that store pay with cash or debit card. I got mad. I turned around and said "at least she is buying them food. she could sell her food stamps allowance for drugs and not even feed her kids."

Her response? "Food stamps aren't meant for treats for kids. If you're going to be on food stamps, you should be required to take a cooking class on how to prepare meals properly for your family."

What the heck?

So, we're punishing kids as well? "Sorry kid, you don't get to have any chips or ice cream, because your mommy is a louse and living off the dole. Life's tough. I know you're only 8, but pick up a paper route if you want a cupcake."

Well that's nice.

Cooking classes- Great idea! When mom gets off from her second job, she can swing by and spend another hour a week away from her kids.

Have you really looked at groceries these days? Let me go to my pantry of junk (yes, I eat junk sometimes... my diet consists mostly of fruit, yogurt, and cheese, but I sometimes eat Spaghettios. They're freakin' delicious okay?)

Okay, here we go!
One can of Lightning McQueen Spaghettios claiming to have "A full serving of vegetables" in it. Score! A full serving of veggies for 79 cents!
A box of Kellogg's Disney Princess fruit snacks- 100% DV vitamin C, 80 calories, fat free. So... that's healthy, right? I mean, it says "made with real fruit."
A box of Quaker Chewy granola bars... "Made with whole grain oats" and "heart healthy"
A box of Barnum animal crackers (the ones in the little train box... a moment of weakness never actually consumed)- A good source of calcium
A bag of Quaker rice cakes- "Low sodium" "A healthy snack"
A box of Kix*- Whole grain, kid-tested, mother-approved. No added colors, flavors, or preservatives, good course of fiber
Kraft Singles- "With calci-3, 3 essential bone-building nutrients, calicium-Vit D-Phosphorus"
White bread- "Kids love it! Calcium added!"

I've taken the words off the front of the boxes. I added nothing that it didn't say, except of course the ""


Now let me look in our fruit bowl

Apples. Grapes. Peaches. Bananas. Nectarines. Oranges. Huh... none of them say... anything.
Veggies will, of course.
Broccoli, spinach, tomatoes, an avocado that has probably met its match, cantaloupe. Um... they say nothing, either.

Cheddar! It will say something! It's better than American, after all... oh wait. It says... Sharp Cheddar. WTF? And the wheat bread. Uh, it doesn't say anything either.

So, lady, which is healthier? Which food sold itself?

You talk about cooking and nutrition classes, well there it is. THERE is your nutrition class. Provided by my pantry, courtesy of Frys and Trader Joes. All the crap sold itself quite well, letting me know how healthy it is. The fruit and veggies kinda sat there. They didn't really inspire confidence.

Now, lemme see... I also have whole grain pasta, which costs a whopping 2.79 a box. Compared to ramen noodles, which can feed a family of six for less than a dollar. And I have Dreyer's whole fruit popsicles, which I think are six for about 3 bucks. I also have that flavor ice crap (I do love the green ones) that I bought a 24 back of for $1.79.

And cereal! Cereal! The asterisk by the Kix was to tell you that I bought a box of Kix last week because I love it and, well, it was buy one/get one free. What else was buy one/get one free at the time? Rice Crispies, Cap'n Crunch, Trix, Fruity Pebbles, Coco Puffs, and those Reese cup things. What was NOT buy one/get one? Plain Cheerios. Multi-grain Cheerios. Raisin Bran. So if I've got 3 kids and 4 bucks, which will feed them for longer?

Poor nutrition is a side-effect of poverty. It can't be prevented because processed crap is so abundant, so cheap, and so cleverly labeled. One kid can eat white bread with bologna for next to free, while another eats a whole grain pita and organic low sodium turkey. The second ate way better, but they both ended up with full bellies. Sometimes, that's all that matters.

Of course, I wish everyone fed their children with healthy, wholesome choices. I wish everyone KNEW that apple juice has nowhere near the nutrients of an actual apple. But Motts sure will work to convince you otherwise. They've even got parents believing that they can't water down their own juice and have to buy pre-watered juice with added vit c (of which a normal kid gets 10000% DVI). Processed food sells because they sell it. They market it, advertise it, lie about it, rape it, infuse it, strip it, build it, package it, and then give you the second one free. Healthy food sits there, hoping you've done your research and know that it's the better choice. It's plain, whole, natural, boring, sometimes kinda ugly, never on sale, and about 4 times as much. And if I have to feed a family of five with $400, even if I KNOW better (and chances are I probably don't), I'm gonna fill their bellies. Because unless you've had a hungry child, you have no right to judge how a mama fills him. He got fed. He might have gone to bed on a dinner of macaroni and cheese, but he went to bed not being hungry. I'd rather feed my kid three meals of crap and hope for the best than spend my entire food budget on one nutritionally sound meal and ignore his pleas for "just one more, mama."

Public assistance is intended to help people survive, not thrive. I'd rather kids not live in a 30 story walk-up with busted out windows, no AC, and no playground... but public housing is what it is. I'd rather kids have access to non-traditional medical avenues, but Medicaid is what it is. I'd rather WIC encourage breast feeding than fall slave to the formula makers, but WIC is what it is. And yes, I'd rather food stamps provide realistic options for healthy eating, but they don't. And with everyone going "MY money, MY money" it never will. Because you want us to spend YOUR money on healthy food, but I can't bet you're not willing to give us MORE of YOUR money to accomplish that. You're already complaining about the slim pickings we get, heaven help us if we got treated like real people on hard times instead of the low-life thiefs that we obviously are.

Food stamps should go to feed a family. How a mother feeds that family is up to her to decide. It's her money now.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Tea parties, nail polish, and bugs.

Happy 4th birthday Ava! Only you would dress up in your fancy flower girl dress, get your nails painted and glitter put in your hair, and then go outside, catch some bugs and make a swamp in the mud on the side of the house. Somehow I don't think the phrase "sugar and spice and everything nice" applies to you. Maybe something more along the lines of "Dirt and snails and puppy dog tails...with a bottle of nail polish and some lace."

4 years have gone by fast...you rock my world kid!








And of course...the evil little brother that came crashing into your perfect world a year ago. Sorry about that. He really is pretty cool though, if you'd pay attention to him.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

To all those who doubted me...




I told you I was right. Damn chupacabras.

Linky linky!
the chupacabras among us!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Kick in the pants anyone?



I have the easiest job in the world. A job that gives me about 4 hours of free time a day, and the remaining time is semi-free. The kid sleeps all the time. And when she's not sleeping, it's easy to plop her in a high chair with some Cheerios, or throw her in the sling on my back. So why oh why have I accomplished absolutely nothing these last few weeks? I'm making a list to make me feel even worse about myself, in hopes it will inspire me to crawl out of this dark hole of procrastination.

Things I've Done:
  • Sewn curtains
  • Complete summer school

Things I Need to Do:
  • Go through computer room closet and pull out useless crap
  • Go through bedroom closet and pull out useless crap
  • Go through hall closet and pull out useless crap
  • Go through downstairs hall closet and pull out useless crap
  • Take aforementioned massive amounts of useless crap to Goodwill
  • Go through freezer and throw out nasty crap
  • Get some packing boxes
  • Clean my poor car
  • Get rid of the recycling because our pantry is overflowing and our garage is starting to resemble a dump.

Yeah, that didn't help at all.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

The Earth is round...you'll always end up back where you started.

People seem to have this uncanny ability to move to a new place and "start fresh". Something about the different scenery, lifestyle, house, whatever, seems to make a bad situation disappear, or at least make it easier to move on.


But where is home exactly? Where your original family is? Where you begin your own family? Where your roots began or where you plant new roots? Which? I think your home is always where you came from, where you began, where the people you feel connected to are. I can't think of a word in English to describe it....but in German it's called gemütlichkeit. It's not necessarily a place...just an untranslatable well-being of everything that's happened in your life, good and bad...memories of times gone by. Because we all start and end with family, and family isn't just blood. It's everyone you love....friends, pets, boyfriends and girlfriends. And that's where home is. Where all that is. Your problems will always be your problems, but the beautiful thing is, so will your family. And you can't run away from that. Ever.

I've lived in several places in my life and when you do that, you can't find where you come from on a map. All those places you lived are just that: places. You don't come from any of them; you come from a series of events. And those are mapped in memories. Contingent, precarious events, without the counterpane of place to muffle the knowledge of how unlikely we all are. Almost not born at every turn. It's amazing. Without a place, events and family slow tumbling though time become your roots. Stories shading into one another. You come from a chance meeting of two people. A smile. Love. Unlikely, but it still happened. One in a million.

Tell the story, gather the events, and repeat the good ones without fear of repeating the failures your roots experience. You learned. Repeat the goodness, pattern is a matter of keeping happiness alive. Otherwise the weave relaxes back to threads picked up by birds to make their nests. Repeat, or the story will fall and all the king's horses and all the king's men....repeat, and cradle the pieces carefully, or the events will scatter like marbles on a wooden floor.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

...and so it begins

Hello Blogger!

I've gone from LiveJournal to Myspace and finally here, where I am finally satisfied with what I've got. Sorry MySpace, you just weren't doing it for me as far as blogs go.

Starting fresh is always good....my other blog lets you look back to things I wrote in high school. That's never good.

And so it begins...